Blue & White, Just Right!

I am SO beyond happy that I am fitting in my old clothes again. I lost a ton of weight when I was in the hospital and I'm finally back at a point where I can wear my old stuff without falling out of it. YEEHAW! I love summer because of the pretty pastel-y colors everyone wears.  I got this light blue shirt a couple of weeks ago because I realized I had a sad lack of color in my wardrobe for summer.  I lot of my brightly colored things are a bit heavier for fall/winter.  I got the pants last year. Surprise surprise, they are both from LOFT. :)

Pants: LOFT

TShirt: LOFT

Shoes: Steve Madden @ DSW

Necklace: My Flat in London

My First Stitch Fix Box

If you are a bit of a subscription-box junkie like I am (sorry I'm not sorry), Stitch Fix might be something you want to look into.  I heard about it from a friend of my Mom's when I was home in May, and it is FUN!

The basic premise is this: get a box styled for you every month with 5 different pieces of clothing in them, keep what you like, send back what you don't at no charge.  My first box was filled with cute things, but I only ended up keeping one of them.  The navy/white chevron blouse goes with a lot that I already have and it works well for work and casual stuff too.  You win either way!

I will say, the pieces aren't the cheapest. But I feel the quality is much better than a lot of stuff you'd buy for cheaper. That blouse that I just bought is timeless and will be a staple in my wardrobe for years to come!

Shirt: Collective Concepts via Stitch Fix
Skirt: LOFT
Shoes: Steve Madden @ DSW

Enjoying the Summer Colors.

I adore this dress.  I bought it a few years ago at Ann Taylor and I'm so glad I did. It is one of my go-to summer dresses!

Dress: Ann Taylor

Shoes: Toms 

Night on the Town.

I went to see Spamalot with my boyfriend and some of our friends this past Thursday. We had a total blast!  It was a dinner theater, so we got to eat beforehand and they brought us dessert at intermission!  The show was also wonderful, my abs hurt the next day from laughing so hard. :)  

Dress: Cath Kidston (also seen here)

Blazer: Forever 21

Shoes: Clarks

Ups and Downs

I've wondered about whether or not to post this for a while now.  After doing some thinking, I decided that this is something I have learned a lot from and I feel the need to share it with others.  This is a blog that focuses on clothing and putting your best face forward every day. As much as I love this blog and as much as I love putting together outfits, this is a part of myself I have struggled with lately.

Since being diagnosed with UC, there have been many ups and downs. It's still something I'm adjusting to.  When I was discharged from the hospital, I was put on an extremely powerful corticosteroid called prednisone.  I was on an very high dosage, and thankfully I started feeling better within days of taking it.  My doctor told me it was not a long-term drug, and to be wary of the side effects, a few of which he informed me of when he prescribed it to me.  At the time, I had no idea how miserable prednisone would make me feel emotionally.

When I left the hospital I was 99 pounds.  I had been about 125 pounds just 3 weeks before, and this was a drastic change for me.  I felt so weak that I couldn't even pull myself up a flight of stairs.  It took about a week for me to feel like I could eat and move around again, and I started to push myself to move around more and get myself healthy. People kept commenting on my appearance, telling me how "gaunt" I looked and how "tiny" I looked. I think that when people see someone that they care about going through something this difficult they don't know what else to say, but man, that was hard to hear.  After a few weeks I was moving around and starting to feel a bit like my old self, but this is when the steroid side effects started to rear their ugly heads.

I found that I was getting a lot more acne--I hadn't struggled with this since middle school, I was growing more facial hair, and my joints felt like they were always achy.  I couldn't sleep, prednisone gives you a horrible case of insomnia.  I found myself awake in the middle of the night, crying, because I couldn't go back to sleep and I was so exhausted.  The worst side effects were two results of a change in fat distribution and retention of sodium--a nice little hump at the base of my neck and a fat face.  So after everyone telling me I looked gaunt for weeks, I now had an enormous face with more facial hair and more acne. I have never felt more unattractive in my entire life. One of my favorite things about myself has always been my smile. I had grown up with people telling me how amazing my cheekbones were and how beautiful my smile was.  I started to hate smiling because every time I did it just made my face looked chubby.  On top of all of this, I found out I had telogen effluvium, a type of hair loss that occurs after significant trauma to your body.  I was genuinely pissed off.  After being diagnosed with a chronic disease I now had more acne, unattractive facial hair, a huge face, a gross hump on the back of my neck, I couldn't sleep, and now I was losing my hair?!  I'm only 23!  This all felt like a cruel joke.

The worst part about "moonface" is that your face looks like you're extremely overweight while the rest of your body is not.  I was still 105 pounds, I felt awful and felt like my huge head was the only thing people saw when they looked at me.  I had been through so much and just wanted to get back to my "normal" self. I started to critique what I looked like every time I looked in the mirror, I couldn't see past this huge face I had developed.  I noticed my thinning hair and would continue to get even more depressed every time I picked a new handful of hair off my clothes every day.  Through it all, I noticed that I didn't really smile as much anymore. The one thing I had loved about myself now looked ridiculous to me and was just a reminder that I had been really sick. It was also a constant reminder that I was facing this completely new life that I never wanted.  

I felt this way through most of may and into the beginning of june.  Mercifully, the majority of prednisone's nasty side effects went away at the end of may when my dosage started to get to a more reasonable level. I no longer have the facial hair, I could sleep, the acne went away.  But I still had this huge face.  

I had my final dose of prednisone on June 18th. Unfortunately, the "moonface" that I acquired as a result of this will probably not be fully gone until the end of the summer.  But I realized something after I finished pred. I was feeling better.  I could eat, I was laughing with my friends again, I was going out to do fun things with my boyfriend, I was out walking on a regular basis and I had gained back most of the weight I had lost while I was sick.  Despite how much the last two months had sucked I had finally gained back something I wasn't sure if I would ever get back--my normal, fun life.  I took a hard look at the reason I was so pissed off--my altered appearance.  It all suddenly seemed really trivial compared to my overall health. I felt great, why should I let what probably a handful of people notice define me and my overall health?  Your appearance is important, that's for sure.  It's the first thing people notice about you. But, I could still smile and I could still laugh; I could still eat and I could still walk and run and enjoy the beautiful summer that we've had so far in Fort Collins. Shouldn't I be focusing on that?

I've taken a complete 180 since I finished prednisone.  I have started to embrace my face as a badge of honor that I received after dealing with a hell of a lot, and I started smiling again.  I moved into a great apartment and had an awesome time decorating and making it my own.  Having UC is definitely not easy (the struggle is real, folks), but there are a lot of amazing things that have come from this, too.  It has made me re-evaluate what is important and gave me a new appreciation for what being healthy is. I also now know a variety of great poo jokes, but that's another blog for another time. ;)  I realized that although appearance is important--YOU define what makes YOU happy, despite the change that occurs around you.  I realized that I don't give a rat's ass (pardon my french) what others think about my appearance, I am healthy and alive and that is what matters.  Do I like having UC? Nope. But I like being healthy, and being healthy is what is most important.

Me on 7/6/14, healthy and steroid-free!

I'm starting to go back to my normal posting schedule today, so stay tuned!